Understanding Teens, the Beauty & the Mess
Teenagers Today
By: Emily Schlacks
Wake up. Grab my phone. Open Snapchat, catch up on new Instagram posts from last night. Pick out an outfit. I need new clothes. Go to school. Get ignored. See my favorite teacher. And my friend group from last year. I wonder if they’re talking about me. Check my phone. No new texts. Back to class. Does anyone see me? Have they noticed how greasy my hair is today? They’re probably talking about it. Schools out. Change for basketball. Miss a layup. Home at 6pm. Check my phone. Why is my ex with her? I need to take better pictures for Instagram. Scroll. Dad tells me it’s time for dinner. Scroll. Phones down, he says. I’m finished, can I please be excused? Scroll. I didn’t realize my friends were hanging out tonight. Lay down. Did she unfollow me? Scroll. Scroll. Scroll. Mom knocks on my door to ask if I’m okay. I’m fine, I tell her. Scroll. My eyes are heavy. Scroll. My mind is racing. Scroll. Does anyone see me?
I’ve spent the last 10 years in the world of teenagers. There is a level of confidence and sadness that this is an overwhelmingly average day in the mind of a teenager. Our young people, Generation Z, are the most hyper-connected people via technology, yet are the loneliest generation to ever live. Many have had access to the internet, and to the lives of thousands of people they will never meet, from a young age. Their minds have been molded and formed by hundreds of influencers, telling them of the things they ought to own and the life they ought to live. But what our online world is yet to realize is that young people, at their core, don’t really want to be influenced from a distance, or through a screen. The isolation is too real, the teenage darkness is too deep, the stakes too high. Teenagers don’t need another person to be influenced by, they long to be impacted. Or, as my friend puts it–you can impress people from a distance, but you can only impact them up close.
This isn’t a new or catchy idea, it’s in our biological and spiritual DNA. It’s John 1 coming alive. “And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth.” John 1:14. God Himself could have loved us from a distance, could have snapped His fingers for the saving of our broken world. Yet, He came up close and dwelled among us through the life of Jesus. Thus is born the longing of every human heart, to be known up close and to be loved despite what the looker sees. The reality is that 73% of Gen Z says they want help from an older adult, but 71% say older generations don’t truly understand the pressures they are under. We have a generation that wants help from adults, yet feels misunderstood by the very people they are reaching out to.
So what do our young people really need? 3 things that I can think of:
They need to be heard. The adult must recognize being a teenager today is a quite different experience than we remember. They are in a great in-between: toggling between being treated like little kids, to having adult-level expectations placed upon them. They are a generally unheard population, so giving them our time and attention is a good beginning. What is it like to be a teenager today? What do you wish more adults understood about being a teenager? What is it like to be you?
Adults can be available. Though their moodiness and sarcasm may tell us otherwise–they want our attention, they want our input. Many of us had an adult that cared about us in our formative years–whether a family member, youth pastor, or mentor. We probably don’t remember much about what they told us, but we do remember their presence. Our memories likely aren’t saturated with how cool they were, but how warm they might have been towards us. Or, how cool they made us feel by caring for us not because they had to, but because they wanted to.
Finally, let’s give our young people a vision for their life: tell them what we see in them, what we see Christ doing in them, who we see them becoming. Anyone with small children knows that they might tell their toddler ‘no’ hundreds of times a day, just to keep them safe! Oftentimes, this pattern unknowingly continues long after toddlerhood. Teenagers, too, are told no more than we want to admit. At times, no is necessary. But I wonder what it would look like to help them dream of who they can become, on their behalf. As Jesus cast the vision for Peter’s life that he would be a fisher of men, we have the same chance to do this with our young people.
I wish more people understood how beautiful the world of teenagers is. It’s messy, honest, and unapologetic. I recognize not everyone is called to the full-time ministry of teenagers. But, we can equip the adults in our churches to welcome them as they walk through our doors. We can care for them during this great in-between, get curious about their world, and tell them of the One whom all their longings will be satisfied in.
